Here’s a list of what makes me put on my cranky pants in traffic:
1. Drivers who don’t indicate:
I’ve often wondered if Volvos actually have indicators at all or whether their drivers are simply so confident in the safety of their cars that they don’t care either way about preventing collisions. Until cars allow us to read the minds of other drivers, all we have is that little lever on the right (or left in Euro cars) to help communicate the fact that we want to turn…USE IT!!!
Note: I actually know some very nice Volvo drivers, so please don’t slap me with your driving gloves!
2. Bullies who won’t let you merge
They can be seen in your rear view mirror smirking while you’re using hand gestures to plead with them to let you merge. These drivers, often in larger vehicles, are the bullies of the road and have real issues that can only be fixed with a good slapping. The best you can do is hope Karma will catch up with them later and pray that the driver behind him is more generous.
3. Parents who smoke in cars with child passengers
These people are clearly so self-centred they couldn’t even give a toss about their own young. Even though laws have been introduced against smoking in cars with children, these drivers ignore them to satisfy their own selfish habit and are happy to tell the world, and their children, to go to hell.
4. Lunatics who speed in 40K School Zones
Everyone else has slowed to 40K but these idiots decide to speed on, weaving in and out of lanes, risking the lives of children, only to be joined by the rest of us at the next set of lights. Slap, slap, slap!!
5. Doof Doof Drivers
Have you ever been waiting at the lights and felt your car jumping and windows vibrating because the P-Plater next to you is aiming to get industrial deafness? He doesn’t need a slapping cause he’ll be wearing hearing aids to his 21st birthday party, that’s punishment enough.
6. Swirvers
These drivers are all over the shop, running over lines, narrowly missing other cars. It’s clear that they are either drunk, high or using hand-held mobile phones. Funnily enough, a lot of these drivers also display P-Plates.
7. Parked Drivers who Don’t look before opening their car doors into traffic
Our necks are amazing things – they allows us to move our heads from left to right. Seriously, how much effort does it take to look before swinging your car door wide open into traffic?
8. Parents who stick prams into traffic while waiting to cross the road
Pedestrians are not exempt from my wrath. Yes, you may be a safe distance away watching traffic while waiting to cross a busy street – BUT YOUR CHILD’S PRAM IS ON THE ROAD!
9. Smokey cars
Quick, close your windows and turn your air con to recycle – it’s another defective car spilling its guts all over the place.
10. They’re never around when you need them
My top peeve is that there’s not enough Police around to book all the above! How satisfying is it though, when you do actually get to see an idiot getting pulled over!! – Karma’s a bitch.
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